"Let Them Eat Cake"

"The peasants are starving, they have no bread!"
"Let them eat cake," Miss Antoinette said.

Funnel and Bundt cakes of every description,
Of pristine snow, without inscription.

With icing piled high atop the bin,
While frozen compost is "sleeping in."

And yard security can't sit in her chair...
I can't ask Lucy to eat her cake there!

I'll pass on the chair - go inside, instead...
You can eat "snow cake," while I dine on bread!

Poetry & Photos: ©Deb Lambert 2009

New Year's Eve in Glittery Wood

"New Year's Eve in Glittery Wood"
A tale of the inhabitants of one particular garden center
and the secret life they lead, when the store has closed for the day.
By Deb Lambert

The wee folk come alive, as you may remember;
Here, gnomes celebrate the close of December.

All through the night, and when no one's looking,
Musicians tune up and the fun starts cooking.

Squeezing bluesy notes from each golden horn;
Risking the wrath of the conductor's scorn.

As the horn section wailed, he rendered an opinion;
Over all musicales, he had complete dominion.

Though he favored the classics, he had to admit,
Cool jazz and New Year's were a really good fit.

Now, the crowds drifted in for this practice session,

Then wound through the store in gala procession.

They checked the clocks at ten minutes of two;
Too early for the party - what should they do?

The gnomes made their way to the back of the store,
Before Christmas was gone and existed no more.

A perfect place to begin the party...
The crowd gathered 'round with cheers quite hearty!

They drove the conductor in a newfangled sleigh,
Midst the twinkling trees, as musicians held sway.

And Ben, the conductor, reviewed them once more,
As the jazz notes floated through the back of the store.

So, the crowd gathered 'round at the dress rehearsal,
Till Ben recommended their rapid dispersal.

"Off you go then - bring mittens and hood,
When we all meet up at Glittery Wood."

"The ball begins at exactly two;
The success of this fête depends on you."

Thermometers were consulted as time drew near,
No need for hoods or mittens, on this New Year!

In the wee hours of morning, the gnomes showed up;
For festivities promised... to drink and to sup.

O'er Glittery Wood the music lifted;
Among the trees, partygoers drifted.

Nick saw Nora, from the corner of his eye;
Asked her to dance... she demurred, seemed shy.

Then out broke a game of hide-and-seek;
Through the glittery boughs they tried to peek.

For Nick and Nora had wandered away;
Nick had something of import to say.

The gnomes gathered about in an intimate group,
To indulge in gossip - get the latest scoop.

"They're a charming couple, it's hard to deny!"
"Yes, maybe tonight she'll give a reply."

"Nick took so long to finally propose,
What shall she answer, do you suppose?"

"By the look of all the billing and cooing,
She seems not averse to his constantly wooing."

As Nick hummed along to a familiar tune,
He admired Nora, 'neath the pale, full moon.

Music hung in the air, it was a magical night;
And so Nick and Nora danced out of sight.

Now, the rest of the crowd need not have feared;
The couple were joyous, when next they appeared.

"Fill up your tankards with ale or mulled wine;
This tender, young lass has agreed to be mine."

Celebrations continued up until dawn;
Echoes lingered, long after they'd gone.

Revelers finally made their way home;
They idled and gossiped, like every good gnome.

So, nuptials were planned for early in spring,
Now that Nora was wearing Nick's ring.

Next time the moon is hung in the sky,

Or, midnight flakes are starting to fly...

Remember the gnomes who did what gnomes should...
Shared New Year's Eve in Glittery Wood.

Poetry & Photos: ©Deb Lambert 2009

Filmed on location, at Corliss Bros. Garden Center ~ Ipswich, MA.

Santa's Demise

In early December, an inflatable Mickey Mouse Santa appeared on a neighboring roof. You know the type... inflated and lit from within at night... deflated and crumpled during the day. Had I known then, what I know now, I would have cataloged Mickey's career as rooftop Santa a little more closely.

After a while, I noticed that Mickey looked like he had too much eggnog, or mulled wine, the night before... day after day. A drunken Santa? Clearly, Santa had fallen down on the job and couldn't get up. Sadly, this Christmas tale doesn't end well.....

It ends with Santa's demise. This is the last known photo of Mickey Santa. I assumed he was still resting - in a more comfortable position. I was wrong. Several days ago, his limp, deflated remains were consigned to a barrel, on trash day, and he was evidently laid to rest in the landfill. What an ignominious conclusion to two childhood icons - think about it... Mickey Mouse AND Santa, all in one fell swoop.

Well, the good news is that the "real" Santa will return next year and, as far as I know, the "real" Mickey Mouse is alive and well, dividing his time between his two homes in Florida and California. Santa's demise? Evidently, the reports of his death were greatly exaggerated.

Keep smiling... it makes people wonder what you've been up to! (OR, it makes people wonder to what you've been up? Nope - still dangling a preposition!) Anyway, keep smiling and have a
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

NOTE: Readers who enjoyed this, might also enjoy the latest postings on GardenAuthor and Dog's Eye View.

Text & Photos: ©Deb Lambert 2009

A Photographic Introspective

I present for your perusal... the good, the bad, the ugly and the plain ole' weird! I'm thinking this will be a journey of discovery for myself ~ why I am obsessed with certain subjects, why I feel the need to record the mundane, why I'm most attracted to nature's minutia and why I keep taking the same type of shots over and over... expecting different results (eerily close to the definition of insanity). OK, I actually like quite a few of these photos, but why do I do what I do? Let's see.....

Frost... can't get enough of the stuff!
On windshields - love the "snowflakes!"
And the pinkish sky reflection is neat, too.

Same morning, using the flash - cool, huh?

Way cool! Flash reveals the reflected branches,
seeming to rise from the "snowflakes."

Lily Pond - first ice on our
backyard swamp (ignore the clothesline). I have
more swamp pictures than one can shake a stick at!

See what I mean?
Nothing like a good heavy hoarfrost to keep me clicking!

Random photos of the ground? Just because
everything looks different and almost magical with
this crystalline blanket? Affirmative!

Early November and the frenzied mallards are indulging in one of their last swims for the season. My camera is obviously not up to the task of wildlife photography, but as it took two years to afford this one, it'll be a while before I invest in the properly outfitted camera. Everything looks so tiny, even if I edit and crop and/or use the insufficient digital zoom. Nevertheless, I insist on trying. (Yes - Lily Pond again!)

More duck-shaped blobs... those are more mallards.

See what I meant about minutia?
But I admit to liking the simplicity.

Positively head-over-heels about bees and cosmos. I blush to think how many of such shots swell the storage capacity of iPhoto, as we speak. Sunflowers and morning glories are two other obsessions. I think the fascination with cosmos comes with the clean, sharp lines and clear colors.

Come on, these are simply gorgeous! So gorgeous,
that these rose hips are quickly rising to the top of my list.
I may qualify as a stalker, come next fall's crop.

Now this is the stuff that gladdens my heart, as an amateur photographer. Home gardener, gardener by trade, garden writer and I do enjoy capturing great garden shots. Still, it's the natural beauty that abounds, as I hike through the woods or stroll through a park, that delights my eye. I am an unabashed fan of "wild and woolly!"

Just when you thought I was obsessed with all of the above, we come to the topic of mushrooms. When it comes to photography, I embrace all things fungal. I have no idea "who" they are, but I seem to have a knack of making them look good in photos. I generally prefer the "mouse eye view," for that in-depth look... requiring lots of kneeling, often involving the removal of pine pitch from one's pants... I lose all track of time when I'm "mushroom hunting!"

Great gills, eh?
(Well-worth the sticky dungaree knees.)

No clue, but I love its quirky, weird appearance.
Reminder to self: Buy a mushroom guide book.

Turkey tail shelf fungus... a real favorite!
Yes, I probably spend way too much time searching
for new fungi, never finding valuable truffles, but
I am very, very, fortunate to have as an able assistant

Lucy-Maude, who has discovered exactly what to seek on our walks. She's earned the nickname of "truffle hound" in homage to her invaluable sense of smell...... and long-suffering demeanor, while waiting for me to get those "perfect shots."

And, yes, there are more photos of Lucy (along with her 4 indoor feline siblings) than will ever be posted or printed, but I sure enjoy scrolling through them. This is the official squirrel-watching bench (before raking this fall).

Well, here we go again... those three horse-shaped blobs are actually horses on a Hamilton horse farm - taken from the car, on the way home from the garden center. I've been horse-crazy for years, so not being able to zoom in on them is frustrating... we come this way, so Lucy can admire the horses, too - she's as bad as I am.

Mockingbird in winterberry bush - best I can do.

'Grandpa Ott' morning glory got into everything,
including my potted tomatoes... another favorite topic.

Mesmerized by shadows and silhouettes.

My flag at night, taken on the way in
from chasing the full moon.

Oh sure, lots of harvest photos.

Wenham, taken while driving (shhh!) to work.

At times, I "play" in my iPhoto program, tweaking
color and light values, until I get unearthly affects.
I don't do it much, but I do like this one.

What was I doing and how was I doing it?
This and the one below are so odd, I just had to share.

Any guesses?

Say "Goodnight," Lucy!

If you waded through this entire retrospective, congratulations! And thank you! Have you similar photographic experiences and results? Do you ever wonder why you're attracted to certain subjects, above others?

Feel free to leave your past and/or current experiences, as well as tales of success and failures. Sometimes my mediocre results are the camera ~ and sometimes they're all me! I've only been at this since late August, so there's still that learning curve factor to take into consideration. And hopefully, I won't be discovered, years from now with a camera in hand, wandering the grounds of "The Home for Bewildered Photographers."

Let's hope we all take wonderful photos this holiday
season and embrace the opportunities that winter will present.
Let's capture winter, in all her glory!

All Text & Photos: ©Deb Lambert 2008

The Rebellion Starts Here!

"The Rebellion Starts Here!"
A tasty little limerick, on an entirely unsavory topic, served up,
appropriately, just before we partake of the Thanksgiving feast.
Join me in a revolution... Rise up against technology and self-serve
checkout aisles ~ Our battle cry, "Bring back the checkers!!!"
By Deb Lambert

Before your Thanksgiving feast,
At the market you'll be fleeced.
Just three clerks in sight,
This doesn't seem right,
At a food store chain in the east.

Management came up with a plan,
To make customers bag and scan.
"If they can't find a clerk,
They'll do their own work!"
So the transformation began.

"Think of the money we'll save!
Who cares if they rant and rave?"
From those good little sheep,
Came barely a peep;
Resistance was futile, not "brave."

So, checkouts are largely unmanned,
As food and coupons are scanned.
Peering over their glasses,
Will gray-headed masses
Finally take a firm stand?

What happened to customer care,
The friendly clerks who were there?
Perhaps they were fired,
Abruptly retired.
We're left to grumble and glare.

Please, Sir, may we mop up the floors?
And perform your shelf-stocking chores?
We bring our own bags,
Scan all of your tags...
At night, shall we lock up the doors?

You wish to alleviate pain,
As your dignity you regain?
Then let's stand as one,
Till it all comes undone;
Our uprising not in vain.

There are three remaining lines,
Below the register signs.
Boycott the "self-serve,"
Buoy up your own nerve,
As management crumbles and whines.

Come join together, you peasants;
They must pay heed to our presence.
Come down off that porch,
With pitchfork and torch,
And end this feud so intense.

Soon, all will be as before,
When associates ran the store.
Machines will be gone,
A new day will dawn.
We'll complete their work no more!


This Limerick: ©Deb Lambert 2008

Nobody

"Nobody"
A poem about nobody ~ any resemblance to anybody,
should be immediately reported to somebody and
from thence announced to everybody, most especially
to anyone and everyone who cares about nobody.
By Deb Lambert

Nobody called me on the phone
Nobody sent a letter
Nobody noticed me lying prone
Nobody wished me better

Nobody walked my little dog
Nobody cooked my dinner
Nobody posted upon my blog
Nobody said, "You're a winner!"

Nobody knocked upon my door
Nobody cleaned the house
Nobody washed the kitchen floor
Nobody ironed my blouse

Nobody raked the leaves that fall
Nobody swept the walk
Nobody gave the dog a ball
Nobody stopped to talk

Nobody rang the front door bell
Nobody wore me out
Nobody stopped to wish me well
Nobody had to shout

Has everyone seen nobody?
Does anybody know where he is?
Tell everyone and anybody
That nobody was missed!



©Deb Lambert 2008

Stanley Scissorpaws in "Catawampus"

Screen tests, prior to the filming of
Catawampus*,
starring Stanley Scissorpaws**...

My assignment, if I dare to accept it, is to post black cat/pumpkin photos, as some fellow bloggers have been doing. My cats are indoor-only felines, so the photo shoot must occur within the four walls of our humble little hovel. I thought I'd take it up a notch and film one of those scary movies, complete with costars and "extras."

In the spirit of full disclosure... although the pets depicted are real, the pumpkins and other curcurbits are not and are, in fact, glazed ceramic. They've (the curcurbits) been decorating the front steps for the past month, so were handy for filming purposes. No pumpkins or pets were harmed in the making of this Halloween extravaganza.

Well, here we are in Studio F ("F" for foyer),
ready for the pre-Halloween photo shoot.
The props are in place and the stage is set...

Bring on the star of "Catawampus" ~
Stanley Scissorpaws... Not looking particularly
"Halloweeny" or scary... not really living up
to the whole "Catawampus" designation.

OK, let's move in for the close-up. Is it me, or does
he look bored - like he'd rather be anywhere else?

Well, alright... let's bring on the costars and extras.
Talk about un-scary costars! How does one generate
fright and mystery with the orange and white
triplets, aka "The Sunshine Boys?" First up,
are Arnold (by the door) and Jake.

Arnold - observing nature and ignoring
all pleas to face the camera.

Arnold exits, stage left, leaving brother Jake
in a meditative pose ~ also ignoring his director.

Enter the third triplet, Kipper, who at least
obliged with a profile shot, as he examined
the ceramic curcurbit.

Here, Kipper seems to be observing nature,
like his brothers, but look closely and you'll see
he's actually admiring his reflection in the door.

Next, we have a surprise... Lucy-Maude, author
of the "Dog's Eye View" blog, has dropped by
to see if there any open auditions for "extras."
She's been nice enough, in the past, to let Kipper
post on her blog, so I think we can find
a small role in "Catawampus."

Frankly, I find Lucy much easier to direct than
the feline stars. Here, she enjoys a little morning
sun and conducts her own pumpkin inspection.

Early afternoon finds the screen test continuing in a
different venue. Bear in mind, that I'm also looking
for the "money shot" from Stanley... sort of a typical
black cat silhouette, with pumpkin. This one's cute,
with Stanley looking a bit pensive.

I don't know - big ole squash and kindly green eyes.
Maybe this one's better?

OK, it's back to profile and lots of pumpkins and
squashes. Stanley's checking out the
curly tendril of his faux pumpkin.

He decides to lie down in the pumpkin patch,
making the best of a crowded situation.

As Stanley turns away to observe some bathing
birds, Kipper comes up for another look at the
pumpkins and to inquire about his upcoming
role (OK - I made up that last part).

Well, it's been an interesting experience. But, making a scary movie with the sunshine boys, big, affable Stan and sweet little Lucy - on a warm, sunny fall day - isn't exactly conducive to "scary." So, maybe "Catawampus" will have to wait and Stanley Scissorpaws can have the autumn off. Meanwhile, I've got some great pet photos!

* • catawampus • Pronunciation: kæ-dê-wahm-pês (from alpha Dictionary)

Part of Speech: Adjective

Meaning: 1. Awry, askew, crooked, antigoglin (for you New Englanders). 2. Out of kilter, out of whack. 3. A fierce imaginary creature thought to inhabit forests.

From www.phrases.org.uk: "catawampus" can also mean "a fierce imaginary animal," or simply "fierce." The theory is that this sense of "catawampus" is entirely separate in origin from the "askew" sense, and comes from "catamount," which is an old American folk term for a mountain lion (cat-a-mount, get it?). ~ My note: Hence, our movie title!

**Stanley Scissorpaws... a play on "Edward Scissorhands" and especially appropriate, since I often fall prey to his fast-growing, rapier-like nails. He has the habit of swiping at me from the kitchen stool, as meals are prepared and I have the holey shirts to prove it!


Photos & Text: ©Deb Lambert 2008